The Coldest Memories
by TolkienGeek1
Summary: On the way home from a dignitary trip, Fili, Kili, Brynn, and Thorin are ambushed. Thorin is severely injured and having hallucinations of his past. The trio must keep him alive while getting unwanted glimpses of the horrors their uncle has faced. One shot! Brynn is 17, Kili 22, and Fili 23.


**So I've pretty much disappeared for the past three months. That's summer for ya! Anyway, I've had this finished for a while but never got around to posting it. I will be finishing my WIP, hopefully soon!**

 **Hope you enjoy this!**

 **This was a fantastic prompt by BM Originally!**

Snow drifted in huge, puffy flakes that piled up quickly. It was the kind of snow Brynn loved, so she didn't mind travelling in it, even if she was climbing a mountain. Her, Fili, Kili, and Thorin had gone to the Iron Hills, leaving Dis in charge of the kingdom, and now they were on their way home. They had to travel through a mountain pass, and the slopes were so icy they had to wear special contraptions on their boots with spikes on the bottom to keep their grip. It was slow going, but the four of them were having a good time anyway, just being together. It was sort of like a vacation, even if it was 'official business', and they had been in need of one.

Brynn put her left foot forward and made sure it was secure before putting her weight on it and stepping once again. One sloppy step and she could slip to her death - not ideal if you asked her. Just then, with a thump, a snowball burst on the back of her head.

"Hey!" She cried, carefully turning around to see Kili grinning gleefully at her.

Kili shrugged. "Just livening up the trip."

"I could have fallen to my death!"

"I would have caught you."

Brynn shook her head at him. "I'll get you. When you least expect it!"

Kili laughed, then continued his own climb. It was hard work, traversing a mountain path, but even harder when the footing was unstable. They were all breathing hard, and their cheeks and noses were rosy. Thankfully, it wasn't all that cold. They were all dressed in heavy, fur lined coats and boots, lined gloves, and wore tight pants under their trousers. Dis had even forced scarves around their necks, despite their protests.

Thorin had stopped a few feet ahead. He gazed out at the horizon, wiping face of melted snow and sweat.

He nodded at the clouds. "Storms brewing. We might not make it home tonight."

"Spending the night in a cave?" Brynn shrugged. "Sounds cozy."

Fili ruffled her hair. "Fluffy."

Brynn lifted her chin, indignant. "Nothing fluffy about liking cozy places."

Thorin smiled. "There's a supply cave just ahead. We'll spend the night there."

The siblings nodded, then continued their trek. Honestly, they weren't crushed that they wouldn't make it home that night. Caves could be comfortable, and they were tired of travelling anyway.

Brynn was about to take a swig of her canteen when she spotted a glimpse of movement on a ridge above. She closed the canteen and let it hang by its strap, putting her hand up to shield her eyes from the bright sky. There was nothing; then there was a face staring back at her. An ugly, deformed face. And beside it, a fluffy wolf face.

"Goblins!" Brynn yelled, drawing her sword.

Her boys drew their weapons as well, just in time for a joint pack of wolves and goblins to pounce from above. The snow was instantly stained with blood as the fight commenced.

Brynn took on a wolf. It was a lot different than fighting a warg, that was for sure. The wolf was smaller, more agile. Not to mention there was limited room on the mountain path. One side was a wall, the other was a cliff. The wolf was slipping and sliding, nails scraping against ice, but still had a fierce attack. It reminded Brynn of Ravenhill - when she was almost killed by Azog. It had been so slippery, so dangerous. This brought it all back. The wolf lunged at her, and in her fear her sword strike missed. The wolf's claw sunk into the flesh on her arm and dragged through the skin until it released to land on the ice. Brynn reigned in her fear of the ice and drew her sword back. The next time the wolf lunged she was ready, and sunk her blade into its belly. The wolf fell to the ground. It was alive, but would soon be dead so Brynn left it and ducked under Thorins fight with a goblin to take one of the two fighting Fili.

The fight ended with a goblin squealing as it fell to its death - compliments of Kili. The four dwarves stood, swords hanging, chests heaving, lungs burning from the cold air.

Brynn sheathed her sword. "Uncle, you're bleeding!" She cried, looking at her uncles side.

"So are you." He pointed out.

Upon further inspection, they found that Fili and Kili had also sustained injuries. Classic. Dis would be upset, but they had all been wounded so many times that a couple more scars would hardly make a difference anymore.

"Mahal, when did we all get so bad at fighting?" Kili questioned.

"We were severely outnumbered." Brynn pointed out.

From behind Thorin a wolf rose from its stillness, blood dripping and limbs shaking. The same wolf Brynn had 'killed'.

"Uncle, look out!" Fili yelled.

The wolf lunged at Thorin, who blindly kicked at it. His boot connected with the animal, and it started falling off the edge, but it snapped its jaws around Thorins leg and held fast. They both disappeared over the edge of the cliff.

"Uncle Thorin!" Brynn screamed, dropping to her knees and carefully but quickly moving to the edge.

The trio braced themselves for whatever they might see. The wolf was gone, but Thorin was on a ledge a ways down. He was unconscious for sure, but they couldn't tell if he was alive or not. A dark splotch was pooling around his head, and blood marked the snow from the wounds on his side and leg.

"Oh no." Brynn whispered. "Fili, what do we do?"

The oldest of them looked panicked, but pulled himself together to be the leader. "Um - I guess we'll... We'll lower someone down. Bree, we'll lower you down, you're the lightest. Kili and I will have to pull you both up."

Brynn nodded and went to their packs to find a rope long enough to reach the ledge and then some. Kili tied a harness in the end for Thorin and then made one part way up for Brynn. Brynn wasted no time in slipping it on. It didn't feel very safe but they didn't have enough rope to make anything better, and she trusted her brother to make something that would keep her safe.

Fili planted his feet, making sure the spikes on his boots were dug into the ice. Not only would he fall if he wasn't secure, but Brynn would too and that was unacceptable. He held the rope tightly while Kili helped Brynn over the edge.

"You alright, darling?" He asked, gripping her arm. "You're shaking."

Brynn shook her head, trying not to think about what was happening. "I'm not a fan of ice and cliffs. Not since Ravenhill. But I'm fine."

Kili nodded to her, and once she was holding on to the side of the mountain, let go of her arm and helped Fili lower her towards Thorin.

Brynn used her toes to bounce herself away from the mountain wall, slowly but surely making her way down. She didn't want to be the one getting lowered. She didn't want to be the one to check if their uncle was dead or alive. Not when it was her fault he is was this predicament. That blasted wolf had been her responsibility. She should have made sure it died, but she didn't and now Thorin was paying for her mistake. If he was dead... She wouldn't be able to live with herself. The guilt and the amount of blood coming from Thorin made Brynn nauseous, but she tried to console herself by remembering that Oin had told her that head wounds bled a lot, and therefore looked worse than they often were.

Even though she trusted her brothers completely, Brynn felt a lot better when she was on solid ground. Thorin lay still in the snow, strands of black and silver hair blowing gently across his face. Brynn knelt next to him and pulled her glove off, pressing her hand against his neck. Her hand was shaking so badly she couldn't feel anything, and she held it to her body in attempt to calm herself. When she had control, she tried again. She felt like an hour passed before the faintest bit of pressure pulsed against her skin.

Her heart soared. "He's alive!"

She heard Fili and Kili cheer from above. She grabbed the harness Kili had made and fastened it around her uncle. She hoisted him into a sitting position and locked her arms around Thorin's waist.

"Okay!" She called to her brothers, squinting.

They started pulling the two of them up, grunting at the work. It was much more slow going then it had been with just Brynn; Thorin was heavy from muscle. Brynn couldn't use her feet to push away from the wall this time, but made sure that she was between the wall and Thorin. She bumped and scraped against the hard rock, and could practically feel the bruises starting to form. She kept a tight grip on her uncle, though. So tight her arms almost went numb. It was bliss was Fili and Kili slid them over the edge and back onto the cliff. Brynn made sure Thorin was lying down comfortably and then sat against the wall of the mountain, the feeling of something solid under her and behind her taking away the fear of the icy cliff. As soon as she was back to normal Brynn assisted her brothers in checking over their uncle. His ribs were fractured and bruised from the fall, and Fili was pretty sure his shoulder was out of socket. Brynn unbuttoned Thorin's coat. As she eased it away from the shoulder in question, his eyes fluttered open. Just a slit; enough to see the intense icy blue.

"Uncle Thorin?" Brynn questioned, moving so Fili and Kili could look too.

"Dis... What happened?" Thorin asked.

Brynn frowned. "Mama isn't here, uncle."

Thorin moved his head from side to side, eyes closed. "I was dreaming."

"You fell, uncle. We're going to take care of you." Kili assured him.

"My shoulder's out of socket. You'll have to put it back in before you move me."

Kili and Brynn looked at Fili, who held back a sigh. Sometimes being the oldest was an unpleasant job. But he would take care of things, like he was supposed to. If it would spare his siblings, he would do it.

Fili took his boot off and placed his heel in Thorin's armpit. Oin had showed him how to do it, but it was no less unpleasant. Especially when Thorin cried out as he twisted and pushed the arm back into socket. There was an awful pop sound, and it was done.

Thorin took a deep breath, waiting for the pain to subside. "Good. Well done, Fili." Thorin opened his mouth to say more but his breathing slowed and his head fell to the side.

"Uncle." Brynn prompted, fear staining her eyes.

Kili pushed his hand against Thorin's throat, sighing in relief a minute later. "He's alive. Did he pass out from pain?"

"I don't know." Fili shook his head, tugging his boot back on. "It's getting windy. And the snows picking up. We gotta get to the cave."

Brynn went over to their packs and pulled out a bedroll. She spread it on the ice and waved Fili and Kili into motion. The brothers lifted Thorin by his back and his legs, then shuffled over to the blanket and laid him down. Brynn tucked his limbs into the best position so he wouldn't be jostled too much, then Fili and Kili lifted the corners of the blanket up. Thorin was now in a sort of cocoon. Brynn had to carry her and Thorins packs, but it didn't add much extra weight. The one thing she worried about was the wind and snow, and the rapidly lowering temperatures. The clouds were so dark they were almost black, and it set an ominous feel on their trek. It wasn't but a few more minutes when the wind started whipping their coats and hair around. The snow turned to freezing rain, and it burned as it pelted their exposed faces. Their coats were soon soaked, freezing water sending them all into shivers.

When they reached the cave they all relaxed - for a minute. They walked into the cave and Brynn ran over to one of the wooden chests on the floor, pulling out extra blankets. She used two to cushion the floor for Thorin, then went to see what type of supplies were in the other wooden chest.

Fili and Kili laid Thorin down. Fili grabbed the matchbox off a stool and went around lighting torches. "What do we have, Brynn?" He asked.

Brynn frowned, pulling packages out. "Not much. Some jerky and hardtack. Some bandages. There's a good stack of wood over there, though."

"Good. Can you build a fire? I'm going to set a blanket across the door, try and keep some cold out." Fili disappeared around the corner that led to the door with a blanket.

Brynn was not the best at building fires, but Kili was taking care of Thorin. He had taken off their uncles outer layers of clothing, and was pulling out a change of clothes to put on him. Brynn could tell it made him uncomfortable, but it had to be done.

Fili came in from the door. He examined Brynns work and patted her on the back in approval of the warm flame that started chewing on the wood.

"Siblings." Kili called, staring at Thorin's face.

Brynn rushed over, as did Fili, who's hands were filled with bandages. Thorins eyes were once again open, and he was scanning the ceiling.

"Uncle? How are you feeling?" Fili asked.

Thorins eyes flicked to his oldest nephew. "Well. You made it to the cave?"

"Yes, uncle. We're waiting out the storm."

"Did you secure the ponies?" Thorin asked.

"Uncle, we didn't have ponies." Fili reminded him, worried.

"Yes, we had them for the trip..." Thorin trailed off.

Brynn brushed hair out of Thorins face. "Do not worry yourself, we will take care of you."

Fili unrolled the bandages he held and started binding Thorin's leg. The wolf bite had not done much damage, just punctured and tore in a few places. They still needed to keep dirt out, or they'd be dealing with an infection instead of just bleeding. Next he went to Thorins abdomen, where a goblin blade had cut him. That they would have to watch more carefully, for goblin blades were covered in grime. When Thorin was taken care of and had fallen back asleep, the siblings took care of themselves. They weren't badly off, and it didn't take long to wrap and tie off their wounds.

"Fili, why does he keep mixing things up?" Brynn asked, helping Kili tie a bandage to his shoulder.

"I don't know, Bree. I guess it's his head."

"We need a doctor."

"We can't go out in that storm." Fili shook his head, putting more logs on the fire.

Brynn turned to Kili, who was cleaning up the things they'd used. He looked back at her and brushed her nose with his finger.

"All we can do is wait. We need to rest as well."

Brynn clenched her jaw, looking over at her incapacitated uncle. She didn't like seeing him like this. It was unnerving. He was the strongest of them all, the one they followed, the one that took care of them. He would know what to do. Brynn felt so inadequate for the task of keeping him alive.

Still, she followed her brothers decisions and gathered all their weapons to put against a wall. She went and took Thorins as well, to make him as comfortable as possible. They gave Thorin all the extra blankets and all their coats. Fili tossed her her bedroll and her blankets, and they set up right next to each other for warmth. It definitely took a lot longer to fall asleep. The hard ground, the cold air, and the howling wind mixed together into an unpleasant weapon to keep them awake. But exhaustion took over, and they all drifted off.

Ooooooooooooooooooooo

Brynn woke up groggy, with her eyes heavy and limbs sore. It was still dark outside, and neither Fili or Kili were up. She sat up to check on Thorin, and was startled to see his bed empty. He was standing over the pile of weapons in the corner, holding Orcrist in its scabbard.

Brynn pushed herself to her feet and approached him slowly. He was muttering something in Khuzdul. It was hard to make out, but it sounded like he was talking about battling and goblins.

"Uncle?"

Thorin stilled.

Brynn put her hand on his shoulder. Thorin roared, pulling Orcrist from its scabbard and swinging it at Brynns head. She ducked and grabbed her own sword out of habit. She flung the scabbard off just in time to meet Thorin's next attack. She had unleashed something in him she had only ever seen in battle. This was his full strength, his full fight. He never used it when training with others. It was something he only found in battle. And now he was using it against her.

Thorin looked behind Brynn and his eyes filled with horror. "Barynn! Look out!"

At the sound of her fathers name Brynn froze, and Thorin took advantage of it. He put a boot in her chest and she fell to the ground. He was kneeling over her now, trapping her arms to the ground. He raised his sword high above his head for a death stroke. He was stopped by two hands that wrapped around his own. Fili had flung himself over Thorins back and was now the only thing stopping the king from killing his niece. Kili appeared a split second later and also grabbed Thorins arms from the side. The three of them shook from effort.

"Uncle, stop!" Kili screamed as the blade inched closer to Brynns throat. "You're going to kill her!"

Brynn could not move. She had never known the full power of Thorins strength until then. He was keeping her pinned to the floor, whilst beating Fili and Kili in their struggle, and it wasn't as if the boys were weak. To say she was terrified was an understatement, and being scared of her uncle was the most terrifying notion of all.

"Get off me, Moria scum!" Thorin yelled, trying to dislodge Fili and Kili.

"Uncle, it's us!" Fili grunted. "Fili! And Kili!"

Kilis hand slipped off the grip and jerked toward Brynn. She screamed, turning her head away as if that would save her neck, but Kili - in a desperation filled second - grabbed the blade of Orcrist with his gloved hand. It cut through the tough leather and blood dripped along the cool metal. He never let go.

Thorins eyes fixed above Brynn once again and his face went blank.

"Barynn!" He screamed, shaking the siblings. "No! No!"

Thorin's strength lapsed, and Fili and Kili pulled him off Brynn and to his feet. He immediately started struggling again, yelling profanities and screaming for their father. Brynn leapt to her feet and got in the middle of the fight. She pried Thorins fingers off Orcrist and threw it out of reach. Now all Thorin could hurt them with were his feet and fists. The brothers got punched more than once, and Brynn got a kick to her knee that had her leg buckling beneath her.

Thorin collapsed to the ground, taking Fili with him. Kili dove on top of them, and Brynn fell upon Thorin's legs, but it wasn't needed. He was shaking, and tears were falling from his eyes. The siblings moved out of their holds and knelt beside him. Fili lifted Thorins head into his lap. Thorin looked up at his nephew. He reached his hand up and put it against Filis face.

"I'm so sorry, Barynn. I've failed you."

Fili looked at his siblings for help but they had no words. He held Thorins hand gently. "Uncle, it's me. It's Fili."

Thorin took a shaky breath. "Of course, Barynn. Of course I'll take care of them. I will tell them of the warrior their father was. Of how you fought for them. I will not fail you in that."

"You did not fail me, Thorin." Fili spoke, changing his voice just slightly to mimic what he remembered of his fathers voice.

Thorin smiled. "Thank you, brother. I will see you again."

With that Thorin passed out once again, leaving the siblings in eerie silence.

"Mama always said I looked like papa." Fili whispered, helping Kili move Thorin back into his bed.

Brynn was quivering on her feet. The ordeal of having her uncle try to kill her was not going to go away any time soon.

"Oh, Kili, your hand!" Brynn cried, hurrying over to her brother.

"It's fine." Kili dismissed her.

Brynn shushed him and pulled off his glove. A huge slit spanned his palm, and there were nicks on his fingers. Brynn grabbed a bandage and pressed it against Kili's hand.

"What, in Mahal's name, was that?" She asked, not looking up from Kili's hand.

"Oin's talked about this before. It's from the fall." Fili explained, voice haggard. Seeing what his uncle went through when his father died, and Thorin mistaking him for him, was beating on him.

"We can't sleep." Brynn said, sliding down the cave wall into a sitting position. "We have to be ready."

"Aye." Kili agreed. "He could've killed you in the time it took us to wake up."

Brynn closed her eyes at that statement. He had tried to kill her. She knew it was a hallucination, but it didn't take the sting away, or the fear. Brynn grabbed her blanket and put across her lap, readying herself for a sleepless night.

Thorin tossed and turned occasionally, making the siblings jump to their feet in preparation many times. They were tired, but they forced their eyes open. It felt like torture.

Thorin remained asleep, however fitful, for a few hours more. Then the trio got another glimpse into Thorin's past. It wasn't violent or sudden this time. Thorin propped himself up on his elbow and stared into the flames of the fire.

"Father, please don't go." He whispered.

Fili, Kili, and Brynn remained ready, though it seemed this dream would not turn violent.

"Dis needs you. With the new baby coming... Your grandchildren need you. I need you."

Thorins brow was wrinkled with worry and stress, and Brynn wanted nothing more than to give him peace. The last time she had touched him while he was dreaming, though, she had awoken something so terrifying it still made her hands shake. And she knew, of course, that Thorin would not wake up from their efforts. No. They had to wait this out.

"I can't be their father, I'm not enough!" Thorin spoke louder, clearer. His breath was wheezy, like he was panicking.

The siblings looked at each other with fear and sadness and... Guilt. It wasn't their fault their father died, and they certainly hadn't forced Thorin to take care of them. But he had taken on the responsibility of raising them, even when he felt so incapable. He had shoved past so many fears and been strong for his sister, strong for his nephews and niece. They wondered if he knew just how capable he had been.

Thorin opened his eyes and looked towards the fire. Fili, Kili, and Brynn readied themselves for another fight, but it didn't come. Thorin scanned the room, looking at Brynn, then at Fili, with no recognition. Just a blank stare. Then he looked at Kili, and his eyes grew big and his mouth opened.

"Frerin?" He questioned, voice filled with fear. "Frerin? Brother, please. Don't be angry."

Kili took a step closer to Thorin. "Uncle, it's me. It's Kili."

Thorin pushed himself backwards until he hit the wall. He looked side to side for an escape, but Brynn and Fili were coming near to him. He looked back at Kili and tears started to fall from his scared eyes.

"Brother, forgive me." He pleaded in a whisper.

Kili crouched down, trying to make himself as unthreatening as possible. "Uncle, it's me!"

"I didn't mean for you to die. I couldn't save you. I wasn't strong enough." Thorin moaned as if in pain, head rolling to the side. "I failed you."

"Kili," Brynn said, a little more forcefully than she meant to. Thorin was making her scared. "Hide. He won't stop until you're gone."

She took a chance and hugged Thorin, pulling him into an embrace and rocking him like he had done to her so many times before. Kili backed away before rushing out of the cave.

Brynn closed her eyes, resting her cheek against Thorin's head as he wept. "Far over the Misty Mountains cold, to dungeons deep, and caverns old..." She sang through the song who knows how many times, until finally Thorin calmed down enough to slip into sleep once again.

Brynn and Fili got Thorin into a more comfortable position again and covered him in blankets. They worked in silence, neither of them knowing what to say. Was Thorin having all bad dreams because of his injury, or had his past really been so terrible? It hurt to think about.

Brynn stood up from her uncles side. Kili still had not come inside, and she was worried about him. Fili kept looking back at the entryway anxiously, and Brynn knew he was thinking of their brother too.

"I'll go find him." Brynn said, putting her sword over her shoulder. "If you can handle Uncle Thorin?"

Fili nodded. "Better me than you."

"Call if you need help."

Fili nodded and sat back down onto the cold floor, resting his head on the cave wall.

Brynn left the cave through the blanket over the door into the whipping wind and pelting snow. She shivered and hoped Kili hadn't gone far. She couldn't see a thing with the moon and stars hidden by the storm. With how her day had gone, she wouldn't be surprised if she got blown straight off the edge of the cliff.

Brynn kept one hand on the wall at all times, hoping that she wouldn't misstep and slip to her death. Just like on Ravenhill. She shuddered at the thought. She turned a corner and the wall disappeared. She stepped quickly, trying to find it again, but her foot hit something and she tumbled. Her heart stopped beating and she cried out in horrified fear. And then someone grabbed her, pulled her forwards, and held her close to their body. She knew instantly who it was. Kili.

He let her take a couple seconds to catch her breath and then pulled away. "You alright, darling? You tripped over my leg. I'm so sorry, I didn't see you."

Brynn was still gripping the front of Kili's coat, fearing that if she let go she'd fall again. "I'm okay."

Kili knew a lie when he heard one. "You're terrified."

Brynn forced herself to stop shaking. "I'm okay. Why are you so far from the cave? We were worried about you."

Kili guided Brynn through the dark to sit in the dip in the mountain wall. There they were more shielded from the blowing wind and snow.

"I couldn't bear to hear him." Kili said quietly, rubbing his hands together and blowing in them to warm up. "Not when I was the source of his pain."

"It wasn't you, Kili. He thought you were Uncle Frerin." Brynn said, looking at where Kili's face would be if she could see.

"I knew I looked like him. I never thought it bothered Uncle Thorin."

"Oh, Kili. Is that what you think? He doesn't dislike you for looking like his brother. It's these awful dreams that are clouding his mind."

"He looked at me with such fear." Kili whispered, utterly still.

"Kili, earlier he thought I was an Orc trying to kill our father." Brynn's eyes filled with tears. This lack of sleep was making her more emotional. "He's not himself. We can't blame ourselves for this."

Kili sighed. "I guess."

Brynn closed her eyes. She had failed him. Any talk that ended in 'I guess' was obviously not very well executed. She didn't know what else to say. She herself felt terrible. It was her fault they were in this predicament. Thorin was in horrible shape, they were all tired beyond imagining, and everyone was upset. If only she had just killed that wolf... Brynn shook her head of guilt to focus once more. She stood and tugged Kili along with her.

"Fili will be worrying." She said.

Kili led the way along the path, stretching his arm behind him to hold her hand, even though she hadn't asked him to. He knew she needed something solid to hold onto to give her comfort as they walked through the dark.

They returned to their cave, happy for the warmth it gave them, even if it wasn't very much. They once again propped themselves up, forcing their eyes to stay open and alert in case Thorin's dreams forced him into attack once more.

Ooooooooooooooooooooo

The morning brought some light into their cave, but the wind and snow hadn't died down any. They were all groggy and grouchy. They didn't have much reason to be cranky at each other, but they were all the same. Instead of being huddled together like they had been, they were all spread out around the fire, despite it being colder. Thorin was still asleep, and he hadn't had any dreams in awhile. Even that fact hadn't lightened the mood.

Fili was pacing the cave again, pausing to look out of the cave every once in awhile. It was driving Brynn nuts, but she couldn't find the strength to say anything.

Eventually, the eldest brother stopped, facing his two siblings. "I'm going to go down the mountain. Go get help."

Kili's head snapped up. "What? I thought we agreed it was too dangerous!"

"That was when I thought the storm would let up!" Fili said. "Uncle isn't getting any better. We need to do something."

Kili poked at the fire. It was dying, and they had very little wood left. It was going to get a whole lot colder, and a whole lot darker. They did need to act, he knew that.

"I'll go." Kili said, standing up from the fire.

"No chance." Fili shook his head adamantly. "It should be me. I'm the oldest."

"Which is exactly why you should be here! I'd be down and up again, before you know it."

"I can't take that chance." Fili insisted.

"You're always so protective, aren't you? But when are you going to realize that I don't want you to die either?" Kili shouted.

Brynn knew she should do something, say something. But she was oh so tired, and she stared off as Fili and Kili's voices rose. She was there, in the room, hearing their voices, but she was in her mind as well. Like when you're just falling asleep and are aware of your surroundings, but they seem far off.

"I can't argue with you right now." Fili said.

"Oh, so you just get to write this off?" Kili asked.

Brynn's mind whirled. Thorin. Uncle Thorin. Her uncle was dying. Oh, Mahal, her uncle was dying.

"Kili, you need to stay here! Stay safe!"

Her uncle was dying and it was all her fault. All her fault.

"Why do you always call the decisions? There's a years difference between us!"

"Because I'm older!"

"That's a rotten argument and you know it!"

She wouldn't be able to live with herself. She had killed her uncle. Her brothers would never forgive her. They would hate her. Despise her.

"I'm going down that mountain, no matter what you say! So you can come if you like, but you'll leave Brynn all alone."

"How is that one sided?"

Her brothers. Her brothers were there. In the room?

"Stop arguing!"

They were so loud. So angry.

"I'm not going to let you die!"

Brynn couldn't take it anymore. They were so loud and so so blasted angry, and it was all her fault. And Thorin was passed out on the cold ground, and he was dying, and that was her fault too.

"Enough!" Brynn yelled, silencing her quarrelling brothers. Her voice was clear and authoritative. She growled, getting to her feet. "I'm finished listening to you two. What do you think you're doing? What has this accomplished, hm? Mahal, you'd think you're ten and nine! Stop arguing, or so help me, I will walk down that mountain myself!" She took a deep breath. "Fili, you go. It was your idea. Kili, I swear if you fight me I will kill you." Brynn nodded to herself and then went over to Thorin and sat beside him, gripping his hand.

Fili and Kili stood together, looking at their little sister with a mixture of emotions. She had never, ever snapped like that.

"She sounds like Thorin." Kili muttered to his big brother, maybe slightly put off.

Fili was nodding in agreement when Brynn looked up at them with an icy glare that would have rivalled Thorin's any day. Obviously she had heard Kili. They gave her soft smiles, and then Fili went to prepare for his trek through the storm.

Fili left just a bit later, hugging each of his siblings and telling them his usual warnings against stupid things. They each wished him luck and Kili told him not to fall off the mountain side. It felt weird and bland and distant, but that did happen when you were overtired emotionally and physically.

Once Fili left, Kili and Brynn sat in silence on opposite sides of the cave. Brynn was trying her hardest not to fall asleep, but her head was resting on her shoulder. She was touching each of her finger tips to her thumb over and over, giving herself something to focus on so she didn't drift off.

Kili was bringing the toes of his boots together, and then taking them apart, and then over again. His mind was on his brother, and how worried he was. And of course, he was also acutely aware of the silence that haunted their cave. It wouldn't have mattered so much if it was a comfortable, mutual silence, but they hadn't spoken since the argument earlier and it was making Kili uncomfortable.

Finally he stood up and went over Brynn. She didn't look up at him, so he crouched down in front of her and cocked his head, trying to catch her eyes.

"You angry at me, darling?" He asked quietly.

Brynn sighed, closing her eyes. Her head hurt. No, she wasn't angry at him. She was angry at the situation, and she was angry at herself.

"Come on, Bree. There's something going on."

Brynn bit her lip and turned her head to Kili, eyes filling with tears. "This is all my fault."

Kili had been expecting a couple things. Namely, Brynn tearing into him for the show he and Fili had put on. But her crying? Not at all.

"What are you talking about?" Kili asked, putting his hand on Brynn's calf.

"All of this. Uncle Thorin being hurt, and you two being angry at each other. It's all my fault."

Kili inched closer. "This was no ones fault."

Brynn shook her head. "The wolf that attacked him. That was my kill. It was still alive when I left it, I thought it would bleed out. But I should have made sure it wasn't a threat, like uncle taught us. He fell because of me."

Kili rubbed his mouth. That was a hard one. "Uncle does say we should make sure our kills are dead. But he also says that mistakes are part of fate, and we can't blame ourselves."

Brynn shook her head. "But Kili, look at him. He could be dying."

Kili put his hands on Brynn's shoulders, trying to show how serious he was. "You can't do anything about it now. All you can do is push on. Take it one breath at a time and do your best for him."

Brynn nodded, still not fully convinced. "Okay."

Kili took a seat beside her, slouching down so he could put his head on her shoulder. Now they waited for Fili.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooo

Fili had gone down the mountain as fast as he dared. It was slippery, and the snow made it hard to see, but the thought of his sick uncle and his siblings pushed him forward.

When he reached the bottom it was a great relief. It had taken him a long time; the sun was starting to set again. But he just had to focus on making it to the outpost. The dwarves there would help, and his family would be rescued.

Fili spotted the outpost on the horizon, and it sent a jolt of energy into his body. He could make it that far. He took step after step, the building getting closer by the second. Eventually he got there, and anxiously awaited the warmth that was glowing from the windows. He didn't bother knocking before entering. The minute he stepped inside someone leapt from a chair and hurried over to him.

"Fili, lad! Where have you been? Where's your family?" It was Dwalin.

"Mister Dwalin!" Fili exclaimed. He hadn't been expecting him, but he was certainly happy he was there. "Why are you here?"

"I got worried when you were late coming home." Dwalin explained, looking behind Fili for the others. "Fili, where's your family?"

"They're up in the mountain still. Uncle Thorin fell and hit his head and he's unconscious. Kili and Brynn are with him, we have to get back to them."

Fili went to turn around, but Dwalin caught him by his coat. "Hold on, lad. It's getting late. We can't be going up the mountain in the dark."

Fili did not like that answer. He frowned. "But-"

"We can't."

"Kili and Brynn are freezing and hungry and Uncle Thorin could be dead by the time we get there!" Fili argued.

"We won't be any good to them if we've fallen off the mountain." Dwalin understood Filis anger. He himself wanted to go right away. But they couldn't. "Get some food. Gain your strength. You'll need it tomorrow."

Fili growled but strode farther into the building towards the fire, sitting heavily upon a stool there and getting a bowl of soup. He hated this. He was warm, and he was going to be full. Mean while, Kili and Brynn were just doing everything they could to keep themselves and Thorin alive. It felt so wrong.

None of the other dwarves in the outpost went near Fili for the entire evening, scared of what would happen if they did. He was in a foul mood to be sure. Not even Dwalin approached him, knowing the lad needed time to cool off.

Dwalin went to sleep early for him, knowing it would take him a long time to get to sleep. He would get up as soon as it started to get light. Though Fili seemed to think Dwalin didn't care or wasn't worried, it was quite the opposite. His brother was up on that mountain, and in pretty bad shape it seemed. Not to mention Kili and Brynn, who were as good as his nephew and niece. The Durin line had always been friends with him, but they were also his family. He had helped train Dis' children, and had taken care of them. When Barynn died, Dwalin had been one of the dwarves to carry him to his tomb; a spot reserved for the closest of family members. Dwalin closed his eyes with a grunt. This was going to be a difficult night.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooo

Fili had slept fitfully for a few hours, but eventually the tossing and turning drove him nuts, and he had to get up. He wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and went onto the balcony, staring up into the sky. It had stopped snowing, and stars were starting to peek out from the clouds. That was a good sign. Their trip up the mountain would be much easier and faster. He just hoped they wouldn't find themselves too late anyway.

Fili thought back over the things that had happened - specifically, Thorins dreams. He hadn't let his siblings see how much they disturbed him, but they truly did. It was such a raw, open view into his uncles past that he had never wanted to see. His uncle had never seemed shakable; now he saw just what he had to push through to make it seem that way.

"You alright, lad?"

Fili jumped at the voice behind him. It was loud in the deathly quiet of the night. He spun around. Dwalin was sitting on a bench, pipe sticking out of his mouth. The end was glowing gently with embers, and Fili could now smell the sweet aroma of pipe weed.

"I couldn't sleep." Fili said.

"Neither could I." Answered Dwalin. "Worrying about that family of yours. Always getting into trouble."

"Tell me about it." Fili smirked, coming over to sit beside Dwalin.

"What's keeping you up?"

There were few times when Fili knew he could answer honestly to someone, and this was one. Dwalin was not just another soldier, he was like another uncle. He knew all his ghosts and all his secrets. And since he already knew that Fili wasn't perfect, Fili didn't have to lie to him.

"Uncle Thorin has been having dreams, because of the hit on his head. He wakes up, but he's not really awake. He attacked Brynn because he thought she was an Orc trying to kill our father. He was terrified of Kili because he mistook him for Uncle Frerin." Fili paused, trying to put his next thought into words. "He had one where he was talking to our grandfather, begging him to stay. He was asking him to stay because he said he couldn't provide for us. And I guess I was just wondering how hard it was for him. I mean, how hard it was for him to take care of us. It always felt so natural that he do it, but now I see it was more of a burden."

Dwalin didn't answer for a long time, and Fili feared that he had actually struck the truth. That Thorin hadn't wanted to take on that responsibility but was forced to.

Dwalin blew a perfectly formed smoke ring out of his mouth. "Lad, your uncle, for all he's worth, believes he is nothing. That's part of why he's a good king. When your grandfather left, and Thorin took on caring for you and your siblings, he was terrified that he would mess it up. But no matter how much he thought he was unworthy to raise three children, he did it with such ease you would never know he had feared the responsibility. It wasn't hard for him, and it wasn't a burden."

Fili sighed, thinking over the answer. It certainly sounded good, and Dwalin would know best. "You really don't think he regrets it?"

Dwalin put a hand on Fili's shoulder. "Raising you was one of the biggest privileges in Thorin's life."

Fili smiled at Dwalin. He did feel better now, but he still felt like there was a whole other layer to his uncle that was still locked to him. He knew that the horrors of Thorin's past had affected him, but he didn't realize how much.

"He's been through so many terrible things." Fili breathed, emotion building within him at the thought of his forever strong uncle. "How did he survive?"

Dwalin shrugged. "Necessity, Fili. He didn't have a choice. But while he would never wish that your father died, or Frerin, or that Erebor was taken, he is thankful for the strength it's given him. He's okay with how things turned out. Think about it, lad. What would be different if none of those things had ever happened?"

Fili thought carefully, replacing different variables of Thorin's past and seeing how the years would play out with the changes. He was shocked to figure out the outcomes he thought of.

"He wouldn't be king, and Erebor would be run by a gold sick leader." Fili started slowly, hoping he wasn't thinking anything far fetched.

"Aye." Dwalin nodded solemnly.

"We never would have met Bilbo. And me and Kili and Brynn wouldn't be as close to Thorin as we are now. Or you."

Dwalin looked Fili in the eye. "And trust me, we are both very grateful that that did not happen."

Fili paused, rubbing his face. "I do miss my father, but I love Uncle Thorin being in our lives in such a way."

"They are not exclusive feelings, Fili. Your father would be proud of how things have turned out for your family."

Fili smiled and relaxed in his seat. "Thank you, Dwalin."

Dwalin put his pipe back in his mouth and looked at the mountain they would face the next day. "You're welcome, lad."

Oooooooooooooooooooooo

Brynn stretched out her stiff muscles, shivering as she did so. Sleeping on the hard rock was starting to take a toll on her body. She wasn't going to complain though; at least she was alive.

Fili had not returned yet. She knew that if he had made it down the mountain it would have been late, and whoever was with him wouldn't leave until morning. The problem was that 'if' in there. He could be smashed upon some rocks somewhere and she wouldn't know.

Kili came over to where Brynn was watching over Thorin, checking his forehead to see how bad his temperature was.

"Bree, if it's alright with you, I think I should go see if I can shoot a mountain goat." Kili said, gauging her reaction.

Brynn nodded in agreement. "We could make a broth for Uncle Thorin. That's a good idea."

"You'll be alright?"

"He hasn't woken up in awhile. It should be fine."

Kili was slightly surprised that it had gone over so well, but he let it go. Brynn had reached her limit, and was just going to go with anything. Kili grabbed his bow and arrows, and after a moments hesitation, grabbed his sword too. You could never be too careful. He touched Brynns shoulder as he went by. She was continuously staring at Thorin.

"I'll be back soon, darling." He promised, then left the cave.

Brynn gripped Thorins cold hand in her own. She couldn't stop worrying about him. She couldn't relax.

Thorins breathing picked up, and his brow furrowed. No longer was he peaceful. Brynn gripped his hand tighter, trying to send him her own strength and what little peace she had. It didn't work.

"Dis, be strong!" Thorin urged, startling Brynn. "You cannot leave me, I will not allow it. Fili and Kili need you, I need you, and this babe will need you."

Brynn closed her eyes. Thorin was reliving her birth. She didn't know if she wanted to hear this.

"Be strong, daughter of Durin." Thorin squeezed Brynn's hand so hard she thought it would break. "You're almost finished, love, almost there!" Thorin stopped breathing so hard and his hand loosened in Brynn's. A small smile lifted the corners of his mouth. "A girl, Dis. You have done it. What shall you name her?" There was a pause, and then, "What of the name... Brynn? After Barynn?"

Brynn's lips lifted. She had not known that her name had been Thorin's idea. She had always liked her name and how she was named after her father, but now it was even more special.

Thorin relaxed, and Brynn watched him warily, leaning over his face to watch for signs of him dying. But he wasn't dying. Almost the opposite. His eyes opened ever so slightly. He looked at Brynn, and his eyes filled with awe.

"Brynn? You've grown so much." He said, lifting a hand to her cheek. "You are more beautiful then I ever could have imagined. And so strong."

Brynn knew Thorin was not seeing her in that time, but as if he was back when she was a babe, and time had fast forwarded to now. It didn't matter. She held his hand against her cheek, eyes brimming with tears.

"My niece... Daughter of Durin... Not if you were my own child could I be more proud."

Brynn closed her eyes, fighting back the emotion that was bursting within her.

Kili came charging into the cave, skidding to a stop in front of Brynn. He did not notice her wet eyes, and that was how she knew something was wrong.

"There's a goblin patrol on its way. They will not overlook this. I'm going to lead them away, hopefully they won't find you." He said quickly.

Brynn stood, hurrying over to her sword and other weapons. "You can't go alone, Kili, I'll go with you."

"No, Brynn, you must stay with uncle. Protect him if they find this place."

"But Kili-"

"Protect the king!" Kili insisted, heading for the door. "I love you. Stay vigilant!"

And he was gone. Brynn strapped her bow and arrows to her back, and all her knives and throwing axes back in their places. Having them on the floor would do her no good. They were a part of her, and she couldn't fight with a piece of her missing. She hefted her sword, its presence bringing her comfort. She looked past it to the floor, where Thorin's weapons lay. Orcrist lay solemn, waiting to be picked up again by its owner. Brynn would have to do. She put her sword in its sheath on her back for the time being and strapped Orcrist to her waist, tightening the belt as far as it would go and still it was loose.

When she had her hands free she moved Thorin to the very back of the cave and stood between him and the entryway. She would be cursed if she let one of the foul creatures touch her uncle.

Minutes passed. Her stance never drooped. She watched the entrance with a never wavering eye and listened for the snivelling of goblins. She hated them with every ounce of her being.

Orcrist turned blue in its sheath. Then she heard it. An exclamation of excitement and anticipation. A goblin. She heard the blanket flutter and the patter of their wide feet, and their shadows danced on the wall right before they turned the corner. A group of them froze upon seeing her, dressed to her teeth in weapons and staring them down. Others crowded behind them, waiting to get in and scuffle.

Brynn pulled her sword and Orcrist out of their homes, holding them in either hand.

"Biter!" One of the goblins cried, fearful.

Brynn smiled. She loved how scared they were of that blade.

"What's the other one?"

"We don't know that one!"

Brynn rolled her sword around her wrist. Orcrist was great, but she was always going to be loyal to her own blade. "You will know it by the end." She said, and then rushed up to the first goblin she could reach, killing it quickly with her sword.

Brynn fought with a fury, trying not to back up into the wider cavern so the goblins didn't have room to get around her. Despite their fears of Biter - and now Slicer, as one goblin named her sword - they pressed on. Squealing and complaining, but pressing on. A horn blasted at one point, sounding horribly off key, but it did its job. More goblins appeared at the mouth of the cave. They had poor fighting skills, but their numbers would defeat Brynn if she wasn't careful. There was only so much she could do if she was overrun, which it looked like she would be.

A goblin cut into her arm, right before she stabbed it through its chubby belly. She looked at it briefly. Now she was mad. She fought with a new flurry of energy, the goblins crying in fear. Such simple creatures.

No matter how many of them she killed, they didn't end. They had pushed her back farther into the cavern, closer to Thorin. She didn't know if they knew who they were, but it didn't really matter. Anyone who got in the hands of goblins was in a bad situation, royalty or not.

Over the din of metal on metal and the squealing of goblins, Brynn heard something else. "Baruk Khazâd!" (Axes of the dwarves!)

And then the reply. "Du bekâr!" (To arms!)

Axes of the dwarves! Brynn had never felt so overjoyed to hear the battle cry of their people. From the back of the entrance of the cave she saw her people fighting the goblins, destroying them in quick fashion. What was more, Fili, Kili, and Dwalin were at the head of the charge. Before she knew it all the goblins had been killed, and she was able to sheath her sword and Orcrist.

"Some distraction you are!" She teased Kili.

"Oi! I led about half of them off. It's not my fault you couldn't shut them up before they pulled the horn." Kili replied, ruffling her hair.

"Oh, shove off." Brynn gave Dwalin a quick hug. "Thank you for coming, Mister Dwalin."

Dwalin smiled. "I couldn't leave me family up in a mountain, now could I?"

They laughed appreciatively and then Dwalin moved to the back of the cavern where Thorin lay. He called over a few soldiers to help him carry their king. The trio tried to help, but he wouldn't let them.

"You three have done enough. And besides, you're all dead tired. Don't want you falling of a cliff."

They couldn't argue with that. They WERE dead tired, and ready for home.

Oooooooooooooooooooooo

Brynn, Fili, and Kili sat in front of the crackling fire in their living room, dozing. They had gotten back two days prior, but they hadn't been able to fully catch up on sleep yet. With filling in their mother, informing their advisors of what had happened, and checking in on Thorin, they had gotten about as much sleep as they normally had - not enough. But now Dis had ordered everyone to leave them alone, and no one messed with her.

Fili was flopped over the arm of the couch, head in arms, Brynn was half in his lap, and Kili was draped against Brynn's lap. Dis had put blankets over them, and they had not moved in hours.

Someone knocked on the door. They ignored it. They knocked again.

"My land." Kili groaned, coming out of sleep. "Pray Mahal saves you from our mothers wrath!"

But he got up anyway, and Brynn and Fili woke up. Kili answered the door. There was a messenger waiting there, though he looked unsure of himself, no doubt a result of Kili's exclamation.

"Message?" Kili prompted, very impatient.

"Oh, yes!" The messenger stuttered. "King Thorin is awake."

"Awake?" All three royals exclaimed, making the messenger jump.

Brynn and Fili leapt from the couch, and joined Kili as he bolted from the room. They made it to Oin's quickly. They knew the path well, as they had to take it often.

They burst into Oin's shop and into their usual room. The healer was in their, along with Dis, and Thorin was lying awake on his bed.

"Uncle!" Brynn hugged him and then moved over for Fili and Kili to do the same. "We were so worried."

Thorin smiled at them. "I'm sorry to cause it. But Oin tells me you did a well job taking care of me."

"We kept you alive. I don't know how well we did it, though." Kili laughed.

Thorin looked at Oin and then back to his niece and nephews. "Oin told me I was hallucinating."

The trio shuffled their feet, suddenly silent. They didn't look at Thorin, instead casting glances at each other.

"Brynn..." Thorin prompted, knowing she would open up first.

Brynn looked him straight in the eye, pained. "You were reliving such horrible things, uncle. It was hard to watch."

Thorin grimaced. There were parts of his past that he never shared in depth with his nephews and niece, and he had wanted it to stay that way. At the very least, he had wanted to be the one to tell them, not have it thrust upon them in such a way.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." He said quietly. Obviously whatever they had watched had hurt them deeply. "If you can, tell me what happened."

The trio sat down on the bed or in chairs. They had hoped they would be able to avoid this conversation, but they should have known better.

"You thought I was an orc." Brynn said, waffling between leaving out the part where he almost killed her or not. She decided he would want to know. "You tried to kill me, but then you saw our father die, and Fili and Kili stopped you."

Thorin groaned in horror. "I am sorry, my love."

"It's alright, uncle, you weren't yourself." Brynn said, taking his hand.

"No, I suppose not. What else?"

"You saw Uncle Frerin in Kili. And you were speaking to grandfather, when he was leaving you." Fili winced, remembering the feeling he had gotten hearing how scared Thorin was to raise them.

Thorin remembered that day all too clearly, and the things he had said to his father in an attempt to make him stay. With his brother and brother-in-law dead, and his grandfather in less than sane mind, he had been the only one to care for Dis and her children, and he had been terrified. By the looks of his nephews and niece now, he was certain that that is what they heard.

Brynn knew Thorin knew what had happened in that hallucination, and there was no sense in hiding it from him. "Uncle, did you really dread raising us?" She asked, voice small and hesitant. She was scared of the answer.

Thorins brow furrowed. He looked from Brynn to his nephews and back. "Is that what you all think?"

The trio didn't answer, but they didn't have to.

"I did not dread it, Brynn. But I was afraid." Thorin clarified. "I could not stop thinking of your father. He was the best dwarf I've ever known. I did not know how I was supposed to replace him. But I realized that I didn't have to. You didn't need me to be him, you only needed me to be me. And then I wasn't afraid anymore."

"Truly?"

Thorin smiled at Brynn, and then at Fili and Kili. "Watching you three grow was and is one of the greatest privileges of my life. I wouldn't change it for anything."

Brynn smiled, finally put at ease, and leaned against Thorin, hugging him gently. He laughed, hugging her back. He couldn't imagine what they thought he would have rather done with his years than being with them, for he could not think of a single thing that could replace the joy of being their uncle.

 **Hope you enjoyed! This was honestly a bit of a struggle to write, but I think it turned out okay.**

 **Please review if you so desire!**


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